Well it has been a while since I last wrote. Forgive my inconsistency as I will try to do better. I left off with telling you how I felt about God until 2001; however since moving with my father and stepmother I never even thought of God that much. At this time my life was more stable with two parents who both worked. We lived a middle class life., My father would take us on vacations to DisneyWorld and he would also take me and my brother Kyle fishing. I got to see life in a different light. I had 2 parents who loved me unconditionally and I am forever grateful to God for those precious memories. By the time I was 21 I was working, had a car, and my own place. I was doing great and  it was at this time that I began to question my sexuality to the extent of going to the village to cruise gay boys. I went into this white gay bar called uncle charlies and was not turned on by any guy in there. I wanted to know where are all the black boys! Then all of a sudden this light skin guy walked in with a swag that had me wanting him bad. He looked at me and smiled and started walking my way. We immediately started talking and he asked me if I was new to the place. I told him I must stick out like a sore thumb. He said more like a child in a candy store. I asked him where are all the black boys, he said he would show me and we bagan to walk out the door. We proceeded down christopher st. and I was in awe of how cool everyone was with being gay. My eyes were open to a whole new world with all kinds of gays and lesbians. There were flamboyant, consevative, thug, preppy,butch,dyke..etc. All the colors of the rainbow I was proud to finally be home! We walked into 2 potato bar and all eyes were on me. At first it was real awkward like a sheep amongst wolves...here I am this young 21 y.o. virgin just coming out of the closet walking into this historic gay bar with men old enough to be my father. Yet they weren't looking at me in a fatherly way...lol Any way to make a long story short I met this sexy, cool, tall brother named Andre.His approach was so smooth as soon as I saw him checking me out from a corner he nodded for me to come over and I was on my way. As I walked up he shook my hand and said "hey, I'm Andre" I told him my name and he then said "you mad sexy, I want you" I couldn't help but to return the favor.."I want you too." (I wasn't that innocent..lol) I don't have to tell you how the night ended let's just say I lost my virginity that night..lol The next couple of weeks was a whirlwind of one night stands and wild living. After all I was a young man ready to sow my oats! ( and I had a lot to sow! lol) I was at this club called Paradise in Brooklyn off of Atlantic ave that catered to young black gay men..It was a reggae club and always packed on the weekend. It was my first time there and I had to fight the boys off me. It was so crowded and hot that I had to go outside for some air..It was then when this young phyne sexy brother approached me and looked me in the eye and said "damn you even phyner up close than far away." I said "thank you" He was telling me that one of his friends asked him to come over and introduce me to him however he wanted me for himself. I was so impressed by this teenager's confidence and blunt approach. I told him my name and he said his name is Aaron. It was love at first sight then we became lovers and we lived a very exciting and interesting life. I was 21 he was 17 but he was so mature for his age. He was in school and very serious about his education and goals in life. He ran track and is very gifted in so many areas. I learned more from him than he did from me. And I was the "older" one. Due to my infidelities I kept jeopardizing my true love for a mere romp in the sack. He continued to forgive until I pushed him away. I must say looking back in hindsight Aaron is the only Man that really loved me for me. Aaron if your reading this know that I mean what I said we will be reunited because your the one I choose to be with eternally. Well...I didn't expect to write that but I am just going with the flow...hope you enjoyed another chapter in my life and I look forward to hearing some feedback from you...comments,suggestions,critiques...love!

God is the problem Love is the answer- part 3

In april of 2002 I started my first ever journal and I would like to share with you my first entry...I believe I was motivated by the Holy Spirit. On 4-20-02 God delivered me. I connected spirit to Spirit, Face to face and Heart to Soul. I saw the vision. God shined his light upon my soul and told me He loves me in spite of all my sins. It was a joyous day and also frightening. Joyous because I saw with my own eyes the test He put me through in my life. He showed me all my good qualities and also how many lives I touch in some way. He showed me how to step outside my world to see His world. Step outside of my selfish ways. He showed me what happens when I do the right thing and also when I make the wrong choices. He showed me there's a whole world out there crying in agony. He is disgusted and angry that we still don't have the vision. The frightening part is this world is killing each other. The devil has advanced further into our souls. He is preying on the weak and vulnerable. God showed me he has prepared an army of soldiers. Strong, spiritual, courageous soldiers with the vision. He told me I am a chosen one. That was my first entry in my journal and as I look back on that moment I realize that indeed I was motivated by the Holy Spirit. I realize that God used me to write that affirming message. A chosen one! What does that mean?  What happened 5 days after this entry changed my whole life forever. See you next time!

God is The Problem Love is the answer- Part 2

In November of 2001 a coworker had a dream about me and wanted to share it. She also said that she would like to interpret it spiritually for me...In the dream I was asking for the shoes on her feet and she said that God was telling me that I was trying to fit into shoes too small for me when He had bigger things in store for me...He also said that I was too content and complacent with where I was at in my life when He has greater things for me to do. At that time in my life I was working as a Intl. Sales agent at Delta Airlines in Atlanta, GA and I had my own place and car and I was very happy; but at that moment I felt something stir inside of me that I never felt before. My heart skipped a beat and at that moment I began to feel purpose in my life. So after work I went home and said my first prayer to God. I prayed that He would give me understanding and clarity to what it is He would have me to do for Him. I already owned a bible but I had not read it in years. The reason being I didn't believe it pertained to me and so it just was gathering dust. I opened it up and found myself in 1st Kings 3:5-9. God appeared to Solomon in a dream and asked him what did he desire. Solomon basically asked God for wisdom to deal with the people he would govern. I was intrigued by this prayer and so I incorporated his prayer into mine and asked God for the same thing. Little did I know what I was really asking for and the path I would have to take to get there. As the days passed I found myself praying more and more to God and asking him to speak directly to my heart and to teach me all the things I needed to know. I was told by a good friend to start reading the 4 gospels of Christ; and so that is where I began. I am a very outgoing person who was in the clubs alot and at this time I felt I needed to sacrifice my outgoing lifestyle and spend more time with God. I began to tell God about my first perception of who He was based on my grandfathers teaching. I wanted to know if He was really that mean. I wanted to know if I would have to change who I am in order to be who He wanted me to be. I loved who I was and so did other people. I have always been well liked by all kinds of people from different diversities and cultures. Surely that was a positive attribute that God could use. I began to ask him about the abuse I had suffered, emotional, sexual and physical. I asked God why did it have to happen to me. I found myself talking to God about any and everything. I did not get an answer right away but looking back in hindsight I did. I am going to conclude here....stay tuned and sorry for the long period in between I promise it won't happen again. I plan on posting at least once every other day. God bless and thank you for your time and patience.

Day 1- 11/2/2011 The Beginning

Well hello out there whoever may be reading this right now. I am pretty sure the title of my blog has peaked your curiosity and I hope to keep you interested. My name is Calvin Davis Jr. and I was born and raised in the east new york section of brooklyn. My journey thru life has led me here and I would like to share some of my experiences with you. My aim in doing this is to provoke your thoughts and allow your mind to be challenged by unconventional thinking. So where do we begin? I was born on march 23rd 1970..I was my fathers first child and my mothers second. My mother and father were engaged to be married but he was in the military and ultimately he got married to another woman. My mother already had a child, my brother Andre and she could not afford to keep us both so she put me in foster care. At the age of 5 my maternal grandparents came and got me out of the system. My Grandfather is a preacher and living in his household we had to abide by his rules which were given to him in the bible. As children we couldn't go outside and play, always had to do chores and work, no t.v. or radio except for christian stations etc. Life as a 5 yr old child was tough living under the Drewry system...The Holiness Way...I remember him always saying if you disobey God you going to hell. That was my first impression I had of God and it was scary! Fear God so your days will be long...I was petrified of this God who wanted to send me to hell if I disobeyed him...so I tried from then on to be the perfect boy. There were times when my mother would drop me off at her sisters house to babysit me..I tried to be the perfect little boy but my aunt would always whip me and beat me on my back with a switch...I was terrified to go back over there knowing I would have to endure the beatings but no matter how good I tried to be the beatings got worse. Looking back I see a innocent young child in fear for his life and b/c the abuse made him feel like he was bad he also thought that God was gonna send him to hell. So that was my first impression of God that had stayed with me all my life until 2001. We will end here for the day and I hope to see you next time! Thanks for reading.....