God is the problem Love is the answer- part 3

In april of 2002 I started my first ever journal and I would like to share with you my first entry...I believe I was motivated by the Holy Spirit. On 4-20-02 God delivered me. I connected spirit to Spirit, Face to face and Heart to Soul. I saw the vision. God shined his light upon my soul and told me He loves me in spite of all my sins. It was a joyous day and also frightening. Joyous because I saw with my own eyes the test He put me through in my life. He showed me all my good qualities and also how many lives I touch in some way. He showed me how to step outside my world to see His world. Step outside of my selfish ways. He showed me what happens when I do the right thing and also when I make the wrong choices. He showed me there's a whole world out there crying in agony. He is disgusted and angry that we still don't have the vision. The frightening part is this world is killing each other. The devil has advanced further into our souls. He is preying on the weak and vulnerable. God showed me he has prepared an army of soldiers. Strong, spiritual, courageous soldiers with the vision. He told me I am a chosen one. That was my first entry in my journal and as I look back on that moment I realize that indeed I was motivated by the Holy Spirit. I realize that God used me to write that affirming message. A chosen one! What does that mean?  What happened 5 days after this entry changed my whole life forever. See you next time!

God is The Problem Love is the answer- Part 2

In November of 2001 a coworker had a dream about me and wanted to share it. She also said that she would like to interpret it spiritually for me...In the dream I was asking for the shoes on her feet and she said that God was telling me that I was trying to fit into shoes too small for me when He had bigger things in store for me...He also said that I was too content and complacent with where I was at in my life when He has greater things for me to do. At that time in my life I was working as a Intl. Sales agent at Delta Airlines in Atlanta, GA and I had my own place and car and I was very happy; but at that moment I felt something stir inside of me that I never felt before. My heart skipped a beat and at that moment I began to feel purpose in my life. So after work I went home and said my first prayer to God. I prayed that He would give me understanding and clarity to what it is He would have me to do for Him. I already owned a bible but I had not read it in years. The reason being I didn't believe it pertained to me and so it just was gathering dust. I opened it up and found myself in 1st Kings 3:5-9. God appeared to Solomon in a dream and asked him what did he desire. Solomon basically asked God for wisdom to deal with the people he would govern. I was intrigued by this prayer and so I incorporated his prayer into mine and asked God for the same thing. Little did I know what I was really asking for and the path I would have to take to get there. As the days passed I found myself praying more and more to God and asking him to speak directly to my heart and to teach me all the things I needed to know. I was told by a good friend to start reading the 4 gospels of Christ; and so that is where I began. I am a very outgoing person who was in the clubs alot and at this time I felt I needed to sacrifice my outgoing lifestyle and spend more time with God. I began to tell God about my first perception of who He was based on my grandfathers teaching. I wanted to know if He was really that mean. I wanted to know if I would have to change who I am in order to be who He wanted me to be. I loved who I was and so did other people. I have always been well liked by all kinds of people from different diversities and cultures. Surely that was a positive attribute that God could use. I began to ask him about the abuse I had suffered, emotional, sexual and physical. I asked God why did it have to happen to me. I found myself talking to God about any and everything. I did not get an answer right away but looking back in hindsight I did. I am going to conclude here....stay tuned and sorry for the long period in between I promise it won't happen again. I plan on posting at least once every other day. God bless and thank you for your time and patience.